परिवार और मैं

हाँ वो पारिवारिक है और मैं नहीं

वो अपनी लड़ायी परिवार को साथ ले के लड़ता है 

और मैं लड़ती हूँ अकेले

तभी तो मानती हूँ

कि वो पारिवारिक है, और मैं नहीं

उसे अच्छा लगता है माँ पापा के साथ पीना सुबह की चाय,

और मैं उठते ही घर से बाहर दौड़ जाती हूँ

कि कहीं ग़लती से भी माँ पापा को मेरे चेहरे पे शिकन दिख ना जाए ।।

हर रोज़ परिवार के साथ सादा खाना उसे पारिवारिक बनाता है

मेरा दोस्तों के साथ चाट के मज़े उड़ाना मुझे परिवार से दूर कर जाता है ।।

उसके लिए ज़रूरी है अपने पेट के छालों का ख़्याल रखना

मेरे लिए ज़रूरी है कि अगर तबियत बिगड़े तो कोई बवाल ना करना, 

क्यूँ कि वो पारिवारिक है और मैं नहीं

वो चला जाता है जब तब फ़िल्म देखने अपनी पत्नी को ले के माँ पापा के साथ

और मैं ?

मैं तो गड़ लेती हूँ ज़मीन में जब फ़िल्म के हीरो हेरोईन आते है पास

बस फिर मैं फ़िल्म देखने परिवार के साथ नहीं जाती

शायद इसीलिए मैं पारिवारिक लोगों की गिनती में नहीं आती ।।

वो पारिवारिक ही कहलाता है जब संडे को कुछ अच्छा सा बना के , घर में सबको खिलाता है

और मैं गूगल से पूछती रह जाती हूँ...वो क्या होता है जो सबकी ज़ुबान को एक सा  भा जाता है

उसे हारी बीमारी में माँ पापा का साथ होना सुरक्षित लगता है

मेरा तो नन्हा सा ज़ुकाम भी माँ पापा के सुकून को अव्यवस्थित करता है

तो लो मैं मेरी बीमारियाँ छुपा के पारिवारिक लोगों की गिनती से हट जाती हूँ

... खुद को बाग़ी कहला के ये मान लेती हूँ

कि हाँ वो पारिवारिक है और मैं नहीं ।।

वो जब ऑफ़िस से परेशान हो के घर को आता है

उसे अच्छा लगता है अपनी पत्नी को बातों में शामिल करना

वो कह लेता है अपने बॉस के दुरव्यवहार के क़िस्से

और बयाँ करता है दिन भर की तकलीफ़ के छोटे छोटे हिस्से

उसकी पत्नी जब किचन में दौड़ जाती है उसके लिए कुछ मनपसंद बनाने को

तब पापा आ जाते है उसके सर पर हाथ रख अपने सहारे का एहसास उसे कराने को

मम्मी कुछ ठंडा सा तब बना लाती हैं

और उसका छोटा सा बेटा अपनी टॉय कार से उसका मन भटका लेता है । 

ऐसे दिन रोज़ बिता कर वो पारिवारिक हो जाता है

और मैं जो पारिवारिक हूँ ही नहीं , अपनी दिनचर्या की जंग को और कस के समेट लेती हूँ अपनी मुट्ठी में

सोचती हूँ क्यूँ शामिल करूँ उन्हें अपने संघर्षों के क़िस्सों में

और उन्हें मजबूर बनाऊँ

क्यूँ ना बेवजह मुस्कुरा कर उनके हठों को हंसी दे जाऊँ

वैसे तो वो पारिवारिक ही है क्यूँ के वो पा लेता है सुकून उन सबके कंधो पर सर रख के रो लेने में

और मैं वैसे भी व्यस्त रहती हूँ अपने संघर्षों को अपनी मुस्कुराहट के नीचे ढकने में

देखो तो वो जीत ता चला जा रहा है 

परिवार का दिल और माँ पापा का ध्यान ... अपने दुःख सुख में उन्हें शामिल कर के

और मैं हारती चली जा रही हूँ ज़िंदगी के ये रिश्ते अपनी तकलीफ़ अपने तक रख के

और हारूँ भी क्यूँ ना ?

आख़िर वो ही तो पारिवारिक है

और मैं बिलकुल नहीं

इसलिए लिख लेती हूँ

जब मुझे लगता है कि मैं ख़ुद से हार रही हूँ… मैं तब लिखती हूँ जीत जाने के लिए

कभी कभी लिखती हूँ ख़्वाब सजाने के लिए

मैं लिख लेती हूँ कुछ अल्फ़ाज़ अपनी आँखों के आंसू सुखाने के लिए 

और कभी यूँही भी लिख देती हूँ बेवजह मुस्कुराने के लिए

Thanks for being the girl of my dreams!

Hi Namita , 

I remember the first time when I saw you as I walked out of the Cairo airport ! Your face was titillating wrapped in a red beautiful sumptuous Gown! I couldn't take off my eyes from you now As i was getting more curious to know who you are ...u seemed to be waiting for someone there so I decided to wait And sat beside you without making u feel my presence. Now I started thinking some reasons to talk with you so that I cud bring myself near to u . you stole my heart at first glance your face was reflecting like a twin son and the makeover which u had was enough to define ur personality.

I had never influenced so much by anyone but you stole my peace and left my heart keep on throbbing. Now I got to know I couldn’t enjoy Cairo without you so I muster some courage and started talking to you in a very chivalrous manner.

The topic I choose was staying in Cairo for the next five days . Fortunately, you are also looking for some guest as you are living alone there with your beautiful skills. As our conversation went on I felt you so much close to me n stating my origin gave u more confidence abt ur security. So U offered me accommodation with some all the conditions mentioned. I was feeling on cloud nine . Now I was not thinking about exploring Cairo just wanna be with u only for d next 5 days. It was late night wen we reached home. But u offered me dinner n inspite of that wearisome journey how cud I let that opportunity go.

I had dat delectable dinner with u n den slept. Next day wen u came upstairs to wake me up , I was still in ur dreams but anyhow u succeeded to get me up as u wanted to know all abt my schedule .

Ur friendly talk made me so cool which disclosed my feelings to be with u only but anyhow I fabricated my words n persuaded u to make me hangout there. By d evening we have become good frnds like we know each other from d ages. We bantered; partied n ate a lot n reached home again so late. That night I felt more intense feeling abt u. I became so inquisitive to know abt u more n more. U started showing me ur pics in different attire n I was like staring u n taking much enough time for every pic . Now u started feeling my vibrations somewhere but kept silent. But slowly n gradually we shove into each other with all our interest n hobbies. You were enjoying every moment with me n stopped going to office till my last day in Cairo. I dint believe in love at first sight until I met u . But u made dis possible. It's not bad to miss someone every now n then. 

Thanks for being the girl of my dreams!

For the last 16 years and nine months of my life, I have been what I refer to as “hopelessly single.” I am, and may always be, the “single friend,” the third wheel, and the intended target every time someone says “I have this friend; who stands for me always anytime”

At times, being single feels a lot like the five stages of grief. First there is denial – you’re not “single,” you’re just taking a break from the dating scene. Then, after a few months of “taking a break” you become a bit bitter, angry, even. After stomping around long enough, you begin to bargain with yourself and your standards. Are you selective or just plain “picky”? Who knows? Then comes the fifth and the last stage depression!

A substantial portion of your salary is now spent on ice cream, online purchases, and your Netflix subscriptions. This finally brings us to acceptance. You – my friend – is single, but you are not alone.

No matter how many times I say that I am perfectly okay with being single, sometimes it still gets on to me. Blame it on societal norms, romantic comedies (like Tanu weds Manu and then it returns!), or the prodding questions of elderly women (Beta shaadi kyu nahi kar leti!), but I can’t help but wonder why in the hell I am still single.

In no way do I believe that I am entitled to a relationship or that I am deserving of one, and I certainly do not subscribe to the belief that my self-worth is inherently tied to whether or not I have a significant better half, but after the last few years of watching my NewsFeed evolve from a string of my “Noisy-Dog” videos into a never-ending wedding montage, I can’t help but wonder if there is something wrong with me?

Surely I am single because of the “I haven’t eaten in a month” manner in which I devour my second lunchJ. 

Maybe it’s my feminist flair or my lack of adherence to gender roles. It must be my intolerable laugh, or because half of what I say is artistically peppered with swear words. Yup, that’s it.

No it’s not. You know it. I know it. These reasons seemingly have little to no impact on whether I am single or not. In order to get down to the bottom of my relationship status – or lack thereof – I have spent the last several days compiling some of the real reasons why I am hopelessly single.

1. I play the victim

Maybe I’ve watched too many coming-of-age films where the geeky girl is subject to ridicule by the hot guy, or maybe I’ve been that girl myself. Whatever the case, it is time to drop my bullet-proof guard. Not everyone is out to get me, and I need to get over myself RIGHT NOW.

2. I am too proud to admit that I sometimes feel alone

Nowadays, it seems as if being emotionally calloused is more acceptable than being in touch with how one really feels, so I'm often left with the “I’m a strong, independent woman, I don’t need a man” mentality, but I forget that independence and relationships are not mutually exclusive. There is nothing wrong with being bummed that you haven’t received a text, a call, or even a hug in 24 hours; still, I’d rather be alone than be vulnerable.

3. I am not generous

With my time, my emotions, or with that last slice of pizza. I often find that I make my needs and desires first priority, which is not a healthy habit in life, let alone in a relationship. From what I have gathered, relationships – be they friendships or something more – are about giving selflessly. There is one argument in heart “you get yours and I get mine;” it’s about being selfless without expecting anything in return. Regardless of how generous I know I should be with my time, my emotions, and the truth, I am still feeling eternally selfish with all this. I would rather spend my time watching Shahrukh Movies in my sweatpants than venture out to what could potentially be an unbearably awkward lunch with someone like you. I’d rather not tell you how I am really feeling, because I honestly don’t know how I am feeling or how I should process these feelings. And I’d rather not be honest with you, because …

4. I am a coward

I’d rather not tell you that I get butterflies every damn time I see you or that being around you is all it takes to make me happy, because attaching my happiness to someone who could potentially leave is very terrifying to me. So I’m not going to tell you that I like you, or that one half-way conversation we had that day was when I knew I might have feelings for you, or that I find your half-grin appealing, or that I panic when I see you because I can feel myself blushing. In fact, I’m not even going to acknowledge you. Rather than get to the point of having to admit that I like you, I am going to do my best not to notice you. I will try so damn hard to choke a smile when you walk into the room. Instead, I will look over at you, raise an eyebrow, and go back to my work as if you are taking up my time, all the while my face will feel as if it is on fire and I will have to read the same sentence five times in order to get back on track. As long as I can disguise my cowardice as general disregard I can keep you at a distance so that someday I won’t have to say “Hello” and nervously await the day when I am forced to say “Goodbye,” because at the end of the day…

5. I fall hard, and I fall fast

So I’ll glance at you with eyes like daggers and try to imagine all of the terrible things about you so that one day I don’t have to change your number in my phone. I won’t sit next to you and introduce myself so that someday I don’t have to change my route home in order to avoid seeing you. And I won’t smile at you from across the room because this way you are still in my life, but on my terms.

This is why I am hopelessly single, and until I let all of it go, I am not ready for a relationship. And that is that.

I want to be single but with you!

I want you to go have a beer with your friends, for you to be hangover the next morning and ask me to join you anyway because you feel like having me in your arms, for us to nuzzle against one another. I want to talk in bed in the morning about all sorts of things, but sometimes, in the afternoon, I want us to decide to take different paths for the day.

I want you to tell me about your evenings with your friends. To tell me that there was a girl at the bar who gave you the eye. I want you to send me text messages when you're drunk with your friends, for you to tell me unimportant things, just so you can be assured that I think of you, too.

I want to eat with you, want you to make me talk about me and for you to talk about you. I want us to rant about the Thailand vs. Singapore, Goa beaches versus Kerala waterfalls. I want to imagine the loft of our dreams, knowing that we will probably never move in together. For you tell me about your plans with neither head nor tail. I want to be surprised, for you to make me say: Take your passport; we're leaving.

I want to be afraid with you. To do things I would not do with anyone else, because with you I am confident! To return too drunk after a good evening with friends. For you to take my face, kiss me, use me like your pillow and hold me so tightly in your arms at night.

I want you to have your life, for you decide on a whim to travel for a few weeks. For you to leave me here alone bored and wishing for the small Instagram pop-up with your face that tells me "hi."

I don't always want to be invited for your evenings out and I don't always want to invite you to mine. Then I can tell you about it and hear you tell me about yours the next day.

I want something that will be both simple and at the same time not so simple. Something that will make sure that I often ask myself questions, but the minute I'm in the same room as you, I know. I want you to think I'm beautiful, for you to be proud to say that we're together. 

I want to hear you say you love me and I especially want to tell you in return that I love you too! 

I want to make plans not knowing whether or not they will be realized. To be in a relationship that is anything but clear. I want to be your good friend, the one with whom you love hanging out. I want you to keep your desire to flirt with other girls, but for you to come back to me to finish your evening. Because you will want to go home with me. I want to be the one with whom you love to make love and fall asleep. The one who stays away when you work and loves it when you get lost in your world of "Jewels". I want to live a single life with you. 

For our couple life, would be the equivalent of our single lives today, but together.

One day I will find you (R...).

SELF WORTH

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question: 'What kind of man are you looking for?'


She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, 'Do you really want to know?' 

Reluctantly, he said, 'Yes. 

She began to expound, 'As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself? I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man... or woman for that matter. 

I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?' 

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. 

She quickly corrected his thought & stated, 'I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain. 

She said, 'I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation.'

I don't need a simple-minded man. I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. 

I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden. 

I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. 

I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man. 

I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God. 

I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. 

I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. And by the way, 

I am not looking for him...He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. 

Hey may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. 

God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself. 

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. 

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You are asking a lot.' 

She replied, "I'm worth a lot". 

Girls share this if you think you are worth a lot.... and every man who has the brains to understand!!

Kishton Mein Khudkushi Ka Maza Humse Puchiye

Ek Pal Mein Ek Saadi Ka Maza Humse Puchiye
Do Din Ki Zindagi Ka Maza Humse Puchiye
Bhulen Hai Unhen Rafta Rafta Mudatton Mein Hum
Kishton Mein Khudkushi Ka Maza Humse Puchiye
Aagaz-e-Aashiqui Ka Maza Aap Janiye
Aanjam-e-Aashiqui Ka Maza Humse Puchiye
Jalate Diyon Mein Jalate Gharon Jaisi Lau Kahan
Sarkar Roshni Ka Maza Humse Puchiye
Woh Jaan Hi Gaye Ki Humein Unse Pyaar Hai
Aankhon ki Mukhbari Ka Maza Humse Puchiye
Haansne Ka Shauq Humko Bhi Tha Aap Ki Tarah
Haansiye Magar Haansi Ka Maza Humse Puchiye
Hum Tauba Karke Margaye Be-Maut
Tauhin-e-Maikashi Ka Maza Humse Puchiye